10 Things About Anniversaries Post-LossGuest Post By Nathalie Himmelrich
1. Anniversary reactions are normal
Even years after the loss you may have emotional reactions to anniversaries. You might feel sad, angry, contemplative or any other emotions. Remembering them as being normal can help you understand and take them as healing opportunities.
2. Do whatever feels right for you
Take it in your hands, take responsibility to make the day meaningful / helpful / healing-ful for you. Healing is YOUR choice, remembering too.
There are many ideas and suggestions out there: search Google to find many more ideas. Read up on ideas and make your choice.
If you have done something special please share it in the comments for others to read and benefit.
SEE ALSO: HOW TO HAVE A MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR YOUR LOST BABY THROUGH MISCARRIAGE AND PREGNANCY LOSS (getpregnantover40.com)3. Manage your expectations of others
This might sound harsh but no one is required to remember your loved one. Thinking that others
4. Speak up
Say what you need. Involve those that are important to you. On the first birthday of my daughter I asked the family to bring something from nature, like a stone, feather etc. to remember Amya. We held a small circle and each person was invited to speak. This is what I needed and by letting people know, it happened. On the girls 2nd birthday, I made a memorial video of Amya. Just for myself - the way I wanted to honour Amya.
5. Be true to yourself
What you feel like doing, or not doing, is not necessarily what another mother or father chooses to do. Stay true to yourself. There is no guideline on what needs to happen on anniversaries.
Please remember guilt is reserved for a purposeful act intended to harm someone physically or emotionally. This is not the case if you don't feel like doing something but think you should... Be gentle with yourself and - you're doing it right by doing what feels right.
7. My partner does think about him/her
Generally speaking, more often women feel that their man does not think or remember the child's birthday or anniversary. Even though it might be true that men more often forget special dates, be aware of what you imply: Have you asked him (or her)?
More often than not, men tend to internalise their processes and women externalise them. Having interviewed many bereaved parents, both fathers and mothers I do know that it is not true that they don't remember. They do. They just have different ways to do it.
8. Let people know
As mentioned before, people do not know unless you tell them. Help people understand what it is you need by letting them know.
9. A word about self-expectations
Beside the expectation we have of others, we also consciously or unconsciously internalise what we have heard or read. Expecting yourself to be, react or experience different that you are leads to self imposed stress. Notice if that is what is happening. Let go. Allow yourself to be the way it is.
10. Any day can be a 'remembrance' day
Any day you have loaded with meaning can trigger beautiful or stressful memories. As in life in general, so in post-loss life. If you have too many days loaded with stressful triggers of grief, maybe it's time to off-load them and re-load them with more helpful meaning. I will show you how in a future post. Stay tuned.
Want to know more? Have a look at my website.
Nathalie Himmelrich is the founder of 'Reach for the Sky Counselling & Coaching' and specialises in Relationship Transformation and Grief Support. She is working with individuals and couples using techniques ranging from Meta Coaching, Transformational Counselling, Neuro Linguistic Programming to Journey Therapy. She supports clients in their personal growth in a supportive and professional environment. She is also the author of the forthcoming book 'Grieving Parents - Surviving Loss As A Couple'.
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