Displaced Anger After Miscarriage

I remember like it was yesterday...the cold stares by the doctors and ultrasound technicians as they looked at the ultrasound monitor trying to find a heartbeat. I don't envy their job when they have to tell you there is none, but I will say that most aren't trained very well on how to deal with a woman who has just lost her pregnancy.

After suffering multiple miscarriages, I dealt with a number of doctors, nurses and ultrasound technicians' reactions. For example:

Some just stick with the facts..."I don't see a heartbeat...it does not appear to be viable"

Some go into their "professional mode" with a long medical dissertation - none of which a lay person could understand

Some give unwanted advice - "you can try again"..."have you considered adoption?"

Some engage in "total avoidance" - no eye contact...make a beeline toward the door at the first opportunity.

Out of all of my miscarriages, only one nurse said, "I'm so sorry...how are you doing?"

I have seriously thought about offering to do a free lecture at medical schools or internship programs on how to deal with a woman who has just suffered a miscarriage. I know doctors and nurses are busy, but this is part of their job.

To this day, I HATE going to OB/GYN doctors (of course, everyone hates Pap Smears), but, for me it always brings back memories of waiting for the bomb to drop then having to deal with the cold shoulder and uncomfortable silence.

Granted, there's really nothing people can say to "make it all better" when you've suffered a miscarriage, and I'm sure I'm guilty of displacing my anger about losing a pregnancy and "shooting the messenger", but a little compassion would go a long way.